At a Crossroads: Choosing Sobriety

Here I am

One Week into this new chapter. 7 whole days. I haven't done this, willingly, in a while. Shit, I can't remember the last time. Not that I was drunk every night or anything but togo 7 days without a casual drink at dinner or one crazy cocktail night this week is kinda a big deal.

Less hangovers, more living.

I've swapped wine for coconut water (yum) and late nights for early mornings (okay, one early morning...but it counts). I won't pretend I've made it far - I'm barely off the starting line. I can see the choppy waters ahead. But right now? I'm riding a little wave of hope, floating on the idea that this time could be different.

Do I crave a glass (or four) of Chardonnay after a stressful day? Hell yes. Do I wish I didn't need to wrestle with myself over something as simple as saying no to a drink? Of course. But here I am - staring down two paths: the easy slide into self-destruction or the hard, messy, climb through my own thorns and triggers toward something peaceful, healthy... something better.

I am just a "Free Spirit!" I told myself. Fun, social, the life of the party with a Jack and Coke in hand. But lets be honest: I became addicted to the temporary relief a few drinks could give me from my long todo list that never seems to end. Thinking I was gaining true friendships. But real connections don't usually happen when you can't remember what you were chatting with Bre about... or was that Bethany? Remembering names (or full ass conversations) whilst on the sauce has never been my best party trick.

I'll just avoid alcohol all together...how?

The main issue I am running into this early on in ditching the drink? It's running wild in society. Bottomless mimosas at brunch, wine at the Zoo (seriously?), white claws at the lake, cocktails on the patio, cookouts with friends, I mean shit - my hair stylists serves me mini wines while my hair is processing. It is the backdrop to everything I have believed to be fun. The only way to have fun. I don't play on play sets anymore, I'm an adult. I drink now. Is that what I would want my younger self to think? "Count your blessings, Kid, because one day the only way you'll be having fun is when you poison yourself and feel like trash the next morning.". Yeah... I don't think so - I'm rewriting that script. I'm finally, truly seriously sick of it. Sick of the weekday itch for a drink. Sick of staying up late only to wake up in a fog. Sick of sweating through shitty sleep like a hot dog spinning on a gas station warmer. That era is over. I'm breaking up with alcohol. Sorry baby, this hurts you more than me. (Maybe?)

Life is too short to forget this much of it.

So here I am- about to change my life. I'll be trying new things, nurturing old loves, making real connections- hopefully meet new friends who are going down the same journey I am, and learning how to be present - without a drink in my hand.

My biggest opponent right now? Me. But I'm ready to face her.

If you are sick of the dirty rat race with alcohol, like me. Take it one day at a time, tell me your story or just visit the blog when you what to hear about the shit I get into.