Acceptable Poison. Cheers to that?

Let's talk about the only poison that comes in a bottle with a cute label paired with a "Best Mom" wine glass set: Alcohol.

That's right. It's time to take a hard (and hopefully not hungover) look at the darling of society, the life of the party, the thing we joke about needing "just to get through the day." - like it cures lifes problems. Spoiler: it doesn't.

So... What exactly is Alcohol?

Straight up Ethanol. It's a clear, flammable liquid that doubles as fuel, antiseptic, and yes, the ingredient in your merlot. Technically speaking, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. It slows our brains down. And our reflexes. And our good decision making. No wonder I have made so many bad choices while the juice was flowing through me. My poor brain didn't stand a chance.

It's the only drug that we have to justify not using.

"Oh, your not drinking? Are you pregnant? On antibiotics? Are you okay? Join a cult?" Nope, just tired of paying $15 dollars for a headache in a wine glass, Janet. Back off.

You're Body On Booze (Not Sponsored by a liquor Brand)

Alcohol effects every system in your body. And not in a spa-day kinda way.

• Liver: She's the real MVP. Filtering all the toxic shit we are exposed to on a daily bases - including your toxic ass Margarita night. Until it taps out and hits you with a diagnosis with the word cirrhosis.

• Brain: Slows down communication between neurons, aka "why did I text my ex?"

• Heart: Your Voice isn't the only thing to raise while drinking, your blood pressure is also climbing a steady cliff causing irregular heart beats. I'm no expert but that doesn't sound good.

• Sleep: The term "nightcap" should only be related to a nice warm cup of sleepy time tea. Because Alcohol does the exact opposite of "helping you sleep". Waking up at 3 am thirsty as fuck, sweaty, and poppin' a Tylenol all while trying to remember where your wallet went. I don't miss that.

Moral of the story, it messes with your mood, memory, gut, hormones, and decision-making. And yet it's next to the snack aisle.

But Everyone Is Doing It?

Alcohol has a PR campaign that would even make the Kardashians jealous. It's glamorized in movies, weddings, brunch menus, and even kids birthday parties (hello, mimosa bar).

It's the only substance where people will actively peer pressure you into using it. I would know - I was that person... sad but true. At the time nothing said bonding like shared dehydration and oversharing.

Let's be real: if alcohol were discovered today, it would be a Schedule 1 drug. But because it's ancient, wrapped in tradition, and has its own emoji, we just kinda... let it slide?

So Why Is This Funny?

If we didn't laugh, we'd cry. Or drink. And I don't do that anymore - at least not the drinking part.

Getting sober is not about being boring or judgy. It's about realizing you've been conditioned to poison yourself for a good time, and then slowly unlearning that... with a little humor, a lot of support, and maybe some sparkling water with a lemon wedge.

Bottom Line?

Alcohol is a normalized toxin. You're not broken for questioning it. You're not boring for skipping it. And you sure as hell aren't alone.

Welcome to The Dry Bloom - where we hydrate, grow wild, and leave the poison to the pest control.